Relationship coach shares 6 communication skills to secure your relationship: ‘Focus on your emotions, not who’s right’

Relationships are hard if you lack in the communication department. A lot of fights, arguments and misunderstandings can be resolved with healthy communication. However, if you struggle with communication, there are certain secure principles that help communication become more effective, as per relationship and attachment coach Rose Viggiano.

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In a recent post, titled ‘Secure attachment communication skills for your relationship’, the relationship coach listed 6 ways to improve your relationship with your partner, where you both have a secure attachment and better understanding. See her full post here.

6 secure attachment communication skills for your relationship

1. Focus on your own emotions, not who’s right/ wrong

Instead of finding who is wrong or right, focus on what you are feeling in the moment. Be more interested in how both people felt, and less on what happened. The relationship coach explained, “Express your own feelings without criticising your partner. Anger is usually the feeling most easily identified. Looking below, it is crucial for secure communication.”

2. Validate your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with them

Per the relationship coach, hearing and mirroring your partner’s thoughts and feelings is a foundational element for secure communication. “You don’t need to agree with them. What’s important is understanding their experience and expressing their right to feel that way,” she explained.

3. Be vulnerable and allow yourself to be seen

“Safety comes when we know in our hearts that our partner has heard and understood our pain. For them to do that, we need to express ourselves vulnerable,” the relationship coach suggested. This can be harder for some than others.

4. Be attuned and responsive to the needs of your partner

Secure communication can’t be one-sided, which means you and your partner need to be responsible for bringing up issues in a timely manner. You should also be willing to listen when the other wants to share something important.

5. Be willing to discuss issues multiple times

When trying to fix problems or repair the relationship, couples struggle for three main reasons – 1. Partners don’t feel that their feelings have been heard by the other. 2. The destructive behaviour is still happening. 3. One/both partners have past trauma that needs healing, and they mistakenly believe it’s their partner’s fault for triggering it.

6. Take non-verbal cues seriously

Non-verbal cues, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, are way more important than most people realise. Therefore, take them seriously. “If you sit with crossed arms, roll your eyes, and raise your voice, you will not promote feelings of safety and security, and effective communication will be even harder,” the relationship coach explained.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.