Checking phone at dinner table? Study shows how phubbing hurts your relationship

Phubbing is using a phone during quality time with a partner, such as at the dinner table or during heart-to-heart moments. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology narrows down on a troubling consequence of this behaviour.

Phubbing on the surface may seem simple like checking the phone for any text or casual scrolling but it is often not received well by the partner who is ignored. It leads to relational aggression and puts the relationship at stake. Let’s understand what this means.

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Understanding relational aggression

Aggression doesn’t mean getting violent or physically hurting someone. In this context, the violence is inflicted upon the ‘relation’, specifically, the emotional bond between partners. It is a non-physical form of aggression that emotionally damages the relationship.

The study shows that phubbing makes the ignored partner feel left out and neglected. In turn, they engage in ‘relationally aggressive’ behaviours, such as being withdrawn, less emotionally close, or even intentionally saying hurtful things. There’s also a reduced sense of social support in the relationship. These aggressive behaviours originate from feelings of hurt and frustration caused by being ignored by a phone.

Women are more affected

There’s a gender difference in the findings. Women and men respond differently to being phubbed by their partners.

When women are ignored because of phone use, they feel less supported by their partners. This perceived lack of support leads them to act out in ways that could harm the relationship, such as being distant or purposefully hurtful. When a woman is already not receiving the expected emotional support in the relationship and on top of that their partners are on the phone always, it further amplifies the negative reaction.

For men, phubbing also causes relational aggression. But this is less tied to emotional support. The study didn’t explore the factors in detail in this context as much.

So it’s important to be mindful of small, trivial habits like checking your phone. It can have long-lasting impacts on the relationship.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.

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