Do you often say ‘it’s okay’ when you are not? Therapist shares what to say instead; reveals why we hide our emotions

Has it ever happened in your relationship that when you were feeling far from okay, you told your partner that you were? Often, we tell our loved ones that we are fine because it feels easier than addressing the real issue.

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According to Brittney Cobb-Farmer, a clinical social worker and therapist, sometimes it’s out of habit – we default to the phrase because it feels polite or expected. Meanwhile, other times, it’s because we don’t feel ready to unpack our emotions or don’t know how to express what we truly feel.

Why do we hide our true emotions?

In a new post, Brittney discussed why we hide our true emotions from people and suggested phrases we can use instead of saying, ‘It’s okay’. Talking about why we downplay our emotions, Brittney explained that fear of rejection or being dismissed can also play a role in such scenarios.

“In some cases, we want to keep the peace or prioritise someone else’s comfort over our own. Saying “it’s okay” can also be a way of protecting ourselves, creating a temporary shield while we process what’s happened internally. So these are a few examples of ways to put language to what we truly feel when it’s not okay,” she added.

Instead of saying ‘it’s okay’ when it isn’t, say this

• When your trust is broken, say:

1. “I’m finding it hard to reconcile what happened with the trust I had. How will it be rebuilt?”
2. “A line was crossed, and it’s changed how I see things between us.”
3. “I need to understand why it happened because I don’t want this to linger between us.”

• When you feel unappreciated, say:

1. “I’ve noticed that I’ve been showing up for you in different ways, but I’m not feeling the same effort in return.”
2. “I value giving to this relationship, and I need to feel like it’s mutual.”
3. “It hurts when my efforts go unnoticed. I wonder if you’re aware of how that feels for me.”

• When a boundary was crossed, say:

1. “What happened didn’t align with the boundaries I’ve tried to set. I need us to address that.”
2. • “I want you to know that your actions made me feel [violated/disrespected]. I need reassurance that this won’t happen again.”
3. “Boundaries are really important to me, and I think we need to discuss what’s okay moving forward.”

• When someone let you down, say:

1. “I had expectations, and when they weren’t met, it left me feeling [hurt/disappointed]. I wonder what your perspective is.”
2. “I understand things don’t always go as planned, but it would’ve meant a lot if you had communicated with me.”
3. “I felt let down by what happened, and I think it’s important we acknowledge that.”

• When someone avoided or dismissed you, say:

1. “When I got no response, I felt like I wasn’t a priority.”
2. “It felt like I was asking for too much when all I needed was to feel heard.”
3. “Your silence left me filling in the blanks, and it made things harder for me.”

• When someone hurt you unintentionally, say:

1. “I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt me, but the impact is still there.”
2. “I’ve been trying to let this go, but I need you to hear how it felt for me.”
3. “This matters to me. Can we talk about it?”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.