Worried about your partner’s red flags? What about yours? Learn how to identify your toxic behaviours

Red flags are one of the most talked about in dating. It’s a warning sign of a manipulative and toxic behaviour. But so much of the focus is placed on another person, that sometimes we forget to look within. Sometimes the red flags aren’t just in the partners, but also in us. It might be a bitter pill to swallow as everyone has an innate habit of viewing themselves in a positive light. The onus is not only on your partner but also on you too, so it is important to figure out your red flags too.

Israa Nasir, a psychotherapist, took to Instagram to share some ways one can identify their own red flags.

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How do you react?

The first thing Israa pointed out is how one reacts to situations, especially when unpredictable or unplanned events happen out of the blue. She asked individuals to reflect on whether they lash out at others or retreat inward.

What happens when you fight with someone?

Fighting involves intense emotions, which are a reflection of one’s true demeanour and can reveal a lot. Israa addressed how one behaves after a fight, whether they hold grudges, completely ice the other person out, or focus disproportionately on winning rather than resolving the argument.

Check for past patterns in present

Israa reminded to check about certain behavioural patterns in parents’ relationships. Parents are caregivers and influence much of their behaviour. Dysfunctional dynamics that one saw in their parental relationship may transfer to one’s own relationships, often without conscious awareness.

Find out your expectations from your relationship

Israa reiterated the need to list out the expectation of the relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic, so that the parties involved in the relationship are on the same page, devoid of any miscommunication. Many at times, people themselves are unclear about their expectation of the relationship and blame their partners, calling them ‘red flags.’

How you disagree with someone tells a lot

Disagreeing is again another situation where the way one reacts tells a lot. If one agrees to disagree, diffusing arguments by being open to differences, shows how a person may even value differences in the relationship. However if it escalates, then it may be worrying, signalling a red flag.

Communication style

Open communication is rudimentary for thriving relationships. But, as Israa pointed out, sometimes people may choose not to voice their feelings, hoping their partner should know. This may signal a red flag.

Nature of past relationship

Past relationships can help you look inward, allowing you to understand what worked and what didn’t. Israa elaborated that if a similar pattern from a past relationship crops up in a present relationship from your end, it may be a red flag.

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